Kiss Me, Kill Me Read online

  ‘Well…unless we’re talking about you. I might have checked you out a couple of times when you weren’t looking.’ I delivered this with a nonchalant air and continued to the door.

  ‘I know,’ I heard as I turned into the corridor.

  Ah, man! He knew I’d been checking out his junk when I assumed he’d been sleeping. And I’d done it way more than a couple of times, obsessed with his body as I was.

  I was such a gross pervert.

  I suppose everyone has their cross to bear.

  After I was all cleaned up, I ended up in the kitchen, delving into the refrigerator for leftovers. There were plenty. Before I got control of it, my brain thought, Man, Maria is amazing! I quickly quashed that sentiment and called her some nasty names in my head.

  As I sat down at the kitchen table, I noticed an envelope addressed to Greg and me. I ripped it open and read the handwritten letter contained inside. It was purportedly written by Lorenzo—even using his slightly olde-worlde manner of speech for authenticity. Claudio was such a stinking bastard!

  The contents of the missive in a nutshell: Apologies that Lorenzo and Claudio had been called away on urgent business. They wouldn’t return for two weeks. We were free to use the house for as long as we desired. Would we be so kind as to lock up and leave the key in a particular place? Additional apologies for having to take Maria away; she had to return home to her family. Lovely meeting us. Hope we enjoyed our stay in Italy.

  I gave the letter to Greg. He became so furious as he read, he could have burnt a hole in the pages purely by staring at them.

  Greg and I spent the whole day in Lorenzo’s room, watching over him. We supposed Claudio The Bastard had probably buggered off for a while. We figured he only planned to slink back after we’d left. Just in case our theory was wrong, we stayed right by Lorenzo.

  Lorenzo’s room was as big as a large studio apartment. There were sofas, comfortable sitting chairs, a TV and a stereo system. We spent most of the day leafing through books from Lorenzo’s well-stocked library while listening to Italian opera music. It wasn’t something that either of us ever listened to, but it kind of suited the surroundings. When in Rome… Or something like that, anyway.

  In the afternoon, we sprawled on the sofas and watched DVDs. Our host’s taste in movies was not at all what we’d expected. It seemed Lorenzo was a big fan of American westerns. There was some British comedy, like Faulty Towers and Black Adder. Lorenzo also had a bit of a penchant for science fiction, and I believe he owned every single vampire movie ever made in the history of the world.

  We ended up watching the Black Adder TV series. Neither of us had watched it for years, and we needed something humorous at that point. We chuckled and relaxed and managed to watch five episodes before deciding to call it quits and get some sleep.

  Despite my protests that I could sleep just fine on the sofa, Greg brought the mattress from our room and placed it on the floor in Lorenzo’s room. He wrangled the queen-size mattress all by himself—also despite my protests. It was patently obvious he did not require my help, even though it was a bit like a wrestling match between Greg and a queen-size bag of wet tofu. Being a vampire was handy sometimes. A lot of the time, actually, if I was to analyse.

  When I told Greg that I might not be able to sleep, concerned that Claudio The Pyro Bastard might creep in during the night and attempt to set us all on fire, Greg locked the door and barricaded it with a heavy chest of drawers.

  He lay down between me and the door and promised he wouldn’t let anything of the sort happen.

  I fell asleep instantly.

  The next thing I knew, someone was moving around in the room. I went from fast asleep to wide awake between one second and the next, jack-knifing up with a gasp.

  ‘It’s only me, Ana,’ Greg soothed. ‘Lorenzo’s awake.’

  I got up and hurried over to the bed. One bedside lamp was aglow. I turned on the other one. I could hardly believe what I was seeing. Lorenzo was doing a pretty good impersonation of his normal old self. Perhaps his skin had a slight pinkish tone, but apart from that, he looked good. Compared to yesterday, he looked bloody marvellous.

  He was sitting up against the bedhead and sipping blood from a cup. I stared at his smooth skin, black bushy eyebrows and the hair on his head. As he blinked, I noticed that his eyelashes had grown back, too.

  ‘My goodness, Lorenzo, you’re okay! You’re back to normal,’ I said, my voice clearly conveying the awe I felt. Being a vampire was more than handy; it was freaking amazing.

  I bent and kissed his forehead. Not something I would have done before. The man had almost died. Therefore, ancient vampire etiquette wasn’t one of my concerns.

  Lorenzo didn’t seem to be concerned about it, either, going by his pleased expression. ‘Yes, my dear one, I have healed. I am in great debt to you. I know your actions saved me.’ He turned to Greg. ‘And you also, my friend. Both of you have saved my life.’

  ‘Oh, well, you saved ours, we saved yours,’ I said. ‘What’s a bit of life-saving between friends?’

  He smiled, and I got the strong paternal vibe that I’d felt from Lorenzo during previous interactions. ‘I was but doing my job when I met you in the alley that night. I owe a debt of gratitude to you for finding me, saving me and caring for me as you have.’

  Lorenzo took another sip from his cup, and Greg changed the subject. ‘So, Lorenzo, what happened, exactly?’

  Lorenzo sighed. There was such sadness in his eyes, I couldn’t help myself—I gave him another peck on the forehead. Then Lorenzo said one word: ‘Claudio.’

  A long pause followed. I grasped his hand. He squeezed back. I sat on the side of his bed. Placing my free hand on top of his, I petted the ancient vampire.

  ‘Where to begin?’ he pondered aloud.

  Greg had taken a seat on one of the occasional chairs beside the bed. He answered quietly, ‘How about at the beginning.’

  Greg had said that same thing to me when I was having difficulty telling him the story of my life with Stepfucker. I understood then, that asking someone to start at the beginning relieved them of trying to guess how much of their saga you were prepared to listen to. It told them you wanted to know everything they could tell you. It also saved the person from plunging straight into the hardest part, giving them time to work up to the tremendously bad shit.

  ‘I cared deeply for Claudio from the beginning,’ said Lorenzo. ‘I cannot say that I loved him. I have loved only one, and he was taken from me too soon. But Claudio did love me, I believe.’ Lorenzo exuded an air of melancholy rather than an air of murderous. That surprised me more than the fact that there had once been any type of love in their relationship. ‘I eventually lost my passion for Claudio. My regard for him mellowed into…fondness. I was happy for him to be in my life, happy to have him as a companion.

  ‘Claudio stayed with me despite the waning of my feelings for him. He began to beg me to turn him. I refused. You see, I did not feel enough for him to make me want to spend eternity with him. I have not turned anyone in my entire existence, and so I refused him. I would not create a vampire unless it was someone I could not live without.’ He paused and gave Greg a meaningful look.

  ‘Claudio refused to accept my decision. I assume he stayed with me in the hope of eventually persuading me to change my mind. It is apparent that he finally gave up, and then decided to exact his revenge on me.’ Lorenzo closed his eyes and sighed heavily.

  I kept petting his hand.

  ‘How did he overpower you, Lorenzo?’ asked Greg.

  ‘After Claudio had me restrained, he confessed some things. For the past few days, he substituted the foxglove used to make my tea for a plant of similar appearance called comfrey. He also poisoned my wine that night with some type of drug. I am unsure of what, exactly.

  ‘When we returned in the early hours of the morning, Claudio persuaded me to join him at the stream. He and I—’ Lorenzo cleared his throat and stared at the bed linen as if, o
ut of the blue, it had become highly fascinating. ‘We did something we have not done together for a considerably long time.’ He glanced up at me with an apologetic expression.

  It seemed it had been the night to get frisky out of doors for all and sundry. Except for Maria, of course, since she had nobody to get frisky with, and I doubted she would do that kind of thing any longer. I mean, seniors have as much right as anyone to get their freak on, it’s just—

  Stop thinking about it!

  Lorenzo continued, thankfully diverting my attention from the contemplation of really old people bumping uglies. ‘I found myself feeling weak and confused. Before I comprehended what was happening, Claudio had chained me to the sun lounger. Then he bit into my thigh and drank the blood from there. He was savage.’ Lorenzo’s face contorted. ‘Never before have I seen Claudio look so…vicious. He also made cuts to hasten my bleeding.’ A tear rolled down Lorenzo’s cheek. ‘With all that he did, I did not have the strength to break free from the chains that bound me. Claudio left me there to burn when the sun rose.’

  Lorenzo fell silent. I patted his hand double time. ‘And Maria?’ I asked as gently as possible. ‘What did she have to do with this?’

  ‘I believe Maria was not at all involved. Before you woke, I read the letter Claudio penned. Most likely, he has returned her to her family. Which reminds me, I must make some calls to ensure Maria is safe, and I must also inform my council members of this unfortunate event.’

  ‘Will they try to find him and punish him?’ Greg enquired.

  ‘They will try to find him, as he is a threat to others of our kind. His obsession with becoming one of us has made him…dangerous.’

  ‘What will they do to him?’ I asked tentatively.

  ‘There will be a vote.’ He paused. ‘I will endeavour to stop them from killing him.’

  ‘Why?’ exclaimed Greg, not the least bit gentle or tentative.

  ‘I believe I am greatly at fault. I should have forced Claudio to leave me when I no longer had strong feelings for him. His resentment for me stemmed from the fact that he was once my highly esteemed lover. However, recently I have reduced him to nothing more than an employee in my own household. If you could but see the difference between the person he was—such a bright, lovely young man—and the monster who stared into my eyes yesterday…’ He swallowed hard, struggling to contain his emotions. ‘If you could see how he was then, you would understand. I made him this way. It was my own doing.’ The tears flowed freely now, and Lorenzo’s breath shuddered out.

  Greg rose from his chair and came to the bed, putting his hand on Lorenzo’s shoulder. ‘Would you like us to leave you, so you can have some time alone?’

  ‘Yes, I need some time. I also need to make some arrangements. And you—you should continue your trip. You were planning to leave today, no?’

  ‘We can’t leave you like this,’ argued Greg.

  Lorenzo argued right back. ‘You both have done enough for me. I am now able to take care of myself. Besides, after I make one phone call, a horde of vampires will descend upon this place, and I will have many to take care of me. I insist you continue your trip as planned.’

  ‘Lorenzo,’ I interjected. ‘We don’t mind staying an extra couple of days.’

  ‘My dear, do you honestly want to be the only human in this house with a large group of vampires roaming the corridors?’ He gave me a wry smile.

  ‘Okay,’ said Greg. ‘You’ve convinced me. We’ll leave as soon as we get ready. Come on, Ana, let’s get packed.’

  I gave Lorenzo a hug, and he hugged me back. Then I scurried from the room to get my stuff together.

  I heard Lorenzo call out after Greg when I was a couple of steps down the corridor.

  ‘Yes, Lorenzo?’ answered Greg.

  ‘Dying by burning in the sun. I believe I am now qualified to tell you, my friend, that I was correct. It is most assuredly a horrible way to go.’

  I kept walking, shuddering at the image of Lorenzo thrashing in agony in the sunlight. I remembered the way he sounded when he screamed. The smell of his burning flesh. I knew those things would haunt me for life.

  Soon, Greg and I were packed and ready to leave. We decided to make sure someone arrived to look after Lorenzo before our departure.

  We’d had a discussion in the shower, both guessing that Lorenzo’s council members would all be the decent variety of vampire. Not at all like the bloodthirsty demons they hunted.

  Later, just to be sure, Greg checked with Lorenzo to confirm this was in fact the case. Lorenzo fessed up that his warning had been a ruse so our holiday wouldn’t be ruined.

  Lorenzo had showered and dressed in another one of his impeccable ensembles. Although his skin hadn’t regained its full olive tone, it was getting there. We said our goodbyes so Greg and I could make a quick exit when the council members arrived. Greg had decided this was how things would go down. When I’d suggested that he should meet these other vampires, I’d received a firm no. He was being overly cautious again because of me.

  I kissed Lorenzo and gave him a hug.

  He grabbed my face and gave me a kiss on each cheek. ‘My dear one, despite the unfortunate events that have taken place these past few days, I am so pleased to have met you. I wish for you a very long and happy life.’ I didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked to Greg. ‘I will always be in your debt, and I count you as my friend. I do not make new friends often, however, when I do, I hold them very dear. If there is anything, anything at all I can ever do for you, you must contact me at once.’

  ‘I will. Thank you for everything, Lorenzo. I’m honoured to know you and call you my friend.’ I gave him another hug, my eyes getting wet.

  When we disengaged, Lorenzo turned to Greg. ‘The same goes for you, my friend. You saved my life, helped me recover, and protected me while I was vulnerable. You have my eternal gratitude. I will be there for you…whenever you need. Whatever you ask of me.’ They gave each other a significant look. My stomach knotted. I remained unaffected outwardly. ‘I have enjoyed your company—both of you. I will miss you when you are gone.’ Greg received a double-cheek kiss from Lorenzo.

  Lorenzo then said, ‘We must make sure we stay in contact.’ He took one of each of our hands in his and squeezed. ‘Such a lovely young couple. And so much in love. It makes me happy to witness.’ He beamed.

  A tear escaped me. I absolutely adored this guy.

  Also, he was letting us use his Lamborghini for the remainder of our holiday. We would leave it at the airport in Rome. One of his “people” would meet us to collect the keys. Lorenzo did hospitality with a capital H, ending with a big fat exclamation mark.

  Just then, we heard the sounds of tyres crunching on the gravel driveway. We walked outside to see three cars—all black, all worth a mint—pulling up.

  Greg grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the Lambo. He opened the door, impatience rolling off him, trying to help me in as if I couldn’t move quickly enough for his liking.

  I waved to Lorenzo as we drove off. Curious as I was, I didn’t get a good gander at the vampires who were disembarking from their cars. Greg floored it and took off like a bat out of hell.

  ‘Hey, are you trying to give me whiplash?’ I asked him.

  ‘Sorry. At the last minute, I could not bear the idea of you—with your beating heart and all that mouth-watering blood—being in the same postcode as any other vampires. No matter how decent they’re supposed to be.’

  Poor Greg. I patted his thigh. ‘It’s okay. But I don’t believe they’re chasing us. You can slow down now.’

  Greg blew out a breath and gazed at me for a moment. I could read the look on his face. It said, I’m so fucking scared of losing you.

  A few more seconds passed before he ceased attempting to press the accelerator through the floor.

  ‘So, we’re off to Florence and Venice,’ I announced in an excited-as-anything voice, trying to dispel the tension in the car. ‘I can’t wait to go cruising aroun
d Venice in a gondola with you.’ I placed my hand on top of his and patted like crazy. I then launched into a purposefully terrible rendition of “That’s Amore.”

  It took a little time, but eventually, my singing in an exaggerated Italian accent about getting hit in my eye with something like a big pizza pie, had the side of Greg’s mouth curling.

  ‘Hopefully, the rest of our trip will be nice and peaceful,’ said Greg when I’d finished singing .

  We met each other’s eyes.

  ‘Hopefully,’ I agreed.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The rest of the trip was nice and peaceful.

  Always the way just before the shit hits the fan.

  Chapter Twenty

  ‘Mmmm,’ I murmured.

  I was back home after having had a wonderful time checking out art galleries, museums and all the good stuff Florence and Venice had to offer.

  The gondola ride had been as romantic as I’d hoped. And funnier because the gondolier, Greg and I had all ended up singing “That’s Amore” at the top of our lungs. Even though we sounded marvellous, the other gondoliers and tourists had found it highly amusing.

  We’d also shopped. I was now the proud owner of a few pieces of Murano glass, two of which were wine goblets. My favourite was the ring Greg had bought me: a striking rectangle of clear glass on a silver-leaf background, with aquamarine, black and copper streaks trapped inside.

  ‘Mmmm,’ I uttered again.

  I probably should mention that Greg and I were having sex.

  From behind me, Greg pulled my face away from the mattress. His lips brushed my ear. ‘Kayana, I’m gonna fuck you so intensely, you’ll fanny fart so hard, it’ll blow my head off.’

  A peal of laughter burst out of me, remembering the talk we’d had a while back about fanny farts. ‘I’ll blow the house down,’ I countered.

  ‘Oh no. Don’t do it,’ said Greg. ‘I’m just a little piggy with a hair on my chinny-chin-chin.’ Pause. ‘Although, I’d rather be the Big Bad Wolf if we’re choosing roles.’