HurtMeHealMe Read online

  Do not cry. Do not fucking cry.

  He reached for her, holding her face in his hands. Tilting her head back, he stared into her eyes.

  “Baby girl. Don’t you dare ever think you’re not good enough. You are the most beautiful, incredible woman I have ever met. I want you. I want to be with you. I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want you.” He stroked his thumbs over her forehead and temples.

  “Paul. I want to be with you too. I’ve never wanted…” She sobbed. “But you know what I need.” Hiccupping, she futilely dashed tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. “And you won’t use a whip, and if the thought of hurting me is abhorrent to you, h-how—?”

  Paul placed a finger over her lips. “Shhh, my baby. It’ll be okay. I promise you, it’ll be all right. I’m gonna make it all right.” Paul slid one hand over her shoulder and down to the small of her back. He moved his palm in soothing circles, comforting her. “If you were trained a certain way, then why can’t I teach you another way?”

  Caitlin moved her head back and looked at him, just stared at him for a moment in shock. Then slowly her expression altered, and for the first time he saw a glimmer of hope dawning in her eyes.

  “Do you think that’s even possible?” she whispered.

  “I do, sweetheart. With you and me—I think anything’s possible.”

  She smiled. It started small and tentative then gradually widened. And just like that, it was as if she had brought sunlight into the room. She looked up at him with so much trust and hope and longing, it made Paul feel strong and invincible at the same time it made his knees weak and a strange feeling twist in his chest.

  He grasped her tightly, one hand at her back, the other at her nape, his fingers delving into her silky hair. “Caitlin,” he breathed, before his mouth came crashing down on hers.

  Paul’s mouth took hers in the most possessive, demanding, hot, soul-wrenching kiss Caitlin had ever experienced. Not that she had much experience kissing, but she just knew deep in her bones this was something very special. If everyone felt this way while being kissed then they’d all go around permanently lip-locked. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she felt as if she were almost floating. The only thing keeping her from drifting away was Paul’s strong grip on her body. He pressed his mouth so hard against hers, sucking her breath, biting her lips, licking inside her. It felt as if he wanted to crawl right into her through her mouth.

  For the first time ever, Caitlin felt as if she were desired not purely as a thing for a man’s use, an instrument for his pleasure. The way Paul held her and kissed her made her feel wanted and cherished. She felt so close to him, connected in a way that went much deeper than just the contact of their physical selves.

  She utterly adored this. She could go on kissing him forever.

  Paul sucked on her tongue. The feeling was indescribable. She boldly opened her mouth wide and offered more. He drew her tongue deeper into his mouth, sucking rhythmically. It was such an intimate act, so carnal it made her shake with lust. Her knees went weak. She was going to fall down.

  Paul spread his legs farther apart. Splaying his hands on her ass, he pulled, forcing her against him. She moaned his name. She could feel his arousal, hot and hard, pressing into her. She grabbed his behind and tried to pull him even closer.

  He groaned and kissed her throat, his work-roughened hands stroking her everywhere, making her want. Oh god, how she wanted.

  Paul stepped back, unwrapping Caitlin’s hands from around him and placing them at her sides.

  Caitlin stood stock-still. What had she done? She’d done something wrong. She’d touched him without permission; maybe he didn’t want that. God, she was so stupid. She just seemed to forget herself with him. Doms didn’t like being touched without giving permission. She’d disappointed him already.

  No, no, no.

  The tough lessons she’d learned with Ivan seemed to be deserting her already. She had been taught very early on that there could be no unsanctioned touching of her Dominant. The rules shouldn’t have been so easy to forget when the punishments visited upon her for missteps had been so excruciating.

  The first couple of times Ivan had fucked her, she’d been terribly confused at the difference between the supportive, caring man she knew from his phone calls and the harsh, forbidding man he was as her lover. She had reached for him in an attempt to find some closeness, wanting to draw out the gentle Ivan, the man she’d longed for. How desperately she’d needed him to be that man. Her actions, however, made him treat her even more roughly. And afterward she learned exactly what happened to a greedy little slave who touched her Master without his permission.

  While Ivan had calmly explained the rules to her, he’d rubbed her hands with some kind of pungent yellow ointment that smelled a little like tiger balm, paying particular attention to the webbed skin between her fingers. She discovered soon enough just how sensitive that skin was. He then put a pair of inflexible mitts on her, securing them tightly, essentially rendering her hands useless.

  Her hands had begun to burn like hellfire.

  Sweating and shaking with panic, she’d struggled to get the mitts off. She’d cried, screamed and pleaded with him.

  With a cane as inducement, he’d made her crawl around on her burning hands, using her mouth to pick up things he threw for her to fetch. He told her she would quickly learn not touch what she wasn’t supposed to. He was right.

  It was inconceivable that after all those fucking lessons, she’d totally lost control with Paul. For god’s sake, she’d grabbed him, started grinding her crotch against him.

  She should have been paying attention instead of getting so lost, so caught up in her own pleasure. How many times had Ivan lectured her about that?

  You will focus on serving me. That is your sole purpose. You exist for my pleasure, not your own.

  Paul wouldn’t hurt her, he’d told her that. But there were other ways he could hurt her that weren’t physical. Caitlin knew all about humiliation. If Paul castigated her now, humiliated her for messing up, she didn’t even know what she would do.

  Paul’s gaze roamed over Caitlin. She held her body rigid, her hands fisted by her sides, her eyes downcast, fixed on a spot on the floor in front of her. He put a finger under her chin and tipped her head back. Her eyes darted about, as if she was afraid to look at him. She looked almost like a little girl who’d misbehaved and was awaiting punishment.

  “Caitlin?”

  She slowly looked up at him then, her mouth trembling. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I behaved that way.”

  “What way?”

  “Um, I grabbed you and pulled you and…stuff. Am I allowed to—to touch you like that? Now that you’re training me and…dominating me?”

  Oh sweetheart.

  “Cait, you are to do anything you want to do. Anything you feel like doing. I love the way you react to me. I love the way you touch me.” And wasn’t that the damn truth?

  “Look, sweetheart, just then, the only reason I made you take your hands offa me is because I need to get this,” he slid his fingers under the collar of her robe, “offa you.” Her robe was now precariously close to coming undone, revealing a large vee of smooth skin and the inner swells of her breasts. Paul’s mouth watered.

  “I need to see you, Cait. I want to touch your skin.”

  Caitlin smiled a small, nervous smile and nodded. “Okay,” she said, her voice a husky whisper.

  “Right now, baby girl, it’s just you and me. No rules, no instructions.” He smirked. “No ropes. We’ll definitely get to that stuff later. But for now I’m gonna make love to you. You make me crazy and I need you. I need to be inside you. Right now.”

  “Yesss,” she answered on a breathy sigh.

  Fuck, he loved the way she said that word. He was going to make her say it every day. Multiple times. While he was buried deep within her.

  Paul couldn’t wait a moment longer. “It’s time, sweetheart,” he almost growled. And wi
th that, he scooped her up and carried her bride-style up the stairs.

  Caitlin squeaked when he lifted her and then giggled. He looked down into her eyes, and at that moment realized he would do anything, just anything, to make this woman happy. To have her look at him the way she was looking at him now, to make her smile and hear her laugh, he would do any goddamn thing.

  Chapter Nine

  When Paul reached his loft bedroom, he strode over to his huge four-poster bed and gently lowered Caitlin to stand on her feet. She stood still, watching him, eyes filled with anticipation. She was breathing heavily and he was mesmerized by the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

  He turned on the bedside lamp so he could see her more clearly. He didn’t want to miss one minute detail. As he slowly unfastened the tie around her waist, he thought of the way a person might carefully unwrap a beautifully packaged, precious gift.

  His mouth was dry and his heart pounding. He’d never felt such intense anticipation before, never felt so dizzy with need and consumed with desire for a woman.

  He didn’t even attempt to hide the shaking of his hands as he placed them beneath the collar of her robe and parted the fabric, pushing it off her shoulders and down her arms. The robe slid off her body and pooled around her feet.

  Paul felt a clenching low down in his gut and he sucked in a breath. “Jesus, Caitlin, you’re so beautiful. So perfect.” He whispered the words in a broken voice.

  Paul was always in control with his lovers. He would take things slow, making demands, giving them instructions. He would draw out the woman’s anticipation, making sure she obtained her pleasure before his. Everything was planned and well thought out. With Caitlin, however, all he wanted to do was throw her onto his bed and sink into her—deep, deep into her—and fuck her long and hard and so completely she wouldn’t know where she ended and he began.

  He had to get control of himself. She deserved better than that.

  He fought his inner caveman, his whole body shaking with the effort to hold back his baser urges. He knew his control was shot to hell and there would be no drawn-out, intricate scene, but the least he could do was a bit of vanilla foreplay before he fell on her and ravaged her, for god’s sake.

  He lowered his head and licked the hollow at the base of her throat. Kissing his way down the satin-smooth skin of her chest, he reached the swells of her small, perfectly formed upturned breasts. He longed to latch on to one of her already erect nipples and suck. Instead, he caressed the outer curves of her breasts and kissed around them, in between them, and lifted them in his palms, licked their undersides.

  Caitlin whimpered, fisting her hands in his hair and pulling, attempting to direct him where she wanted him to go.

  Yes, baby girl, show me what you want.

  He smiled against her skin and gave in to what they both wanted. Opening his mouth wide, he pulled her nipple and a good part of her breast into his mouth and suckled, groaning as he finally tasted what he’d been longing for.

  Oh god, oh god, oh god. Paul had his mouth on her breast, sucking on her with deep, long pulls. The resulting darts of pleasure shooting from her breast down to her core created such intense, pulsing agony between her legs that she wanted to scream for him to stop even as she never wanted it to end.

  Inside me. I need you inside me.

  Paul switched his attentions to her other breast, laving it with his tongue over and over and over. She arched her body against him, mindlessly seeking more. When he took the rigid peak between his teeth and bit down, Caitlin yelped and her legs gave out from under her. Paul tightened his hold and licked and suckled her, gently using his tongue to sooth away the hurt he had caused.

  When he dropped to his knees, Caitlin was shocked. She was used to always being the one on her knees. However, when he began using his magical mouth on her abdomen, all other thoughts fled, except for this man and what he was doing to her.

  He kissed down her belly, tracing his tongue around and around her navel, then it snaked out, flicking into the depression. She squirmed and gasped at the sensations he created, her belly tensing and shuddering.

  Please, please, please. Inside me.

  When he licked a long line across her lower belly, just above her pubic hair, Caitlin gasped out his name. She wasn’t sure what he had planned, but if he continued in the direction he was headed…

  He wouldn’t do that. Would he? She’d never experienced that before. She wasn’t sure if she wanted him down there like that. She grabbed his hair.

  He placed a hot, sucking kiss on her mons, just above her slit, and she cried out.

  “Paul, please. Please. I want you inside me.” She finally gave voice to her need.

  Paul looked up at her, his eyes flashing almost dangerously with the hunger in their depths. “Yes,” he growled as he stood in one fluid motion. He took one step back and Caitlin swayed before she grabbed hold of the bedpost to steady herself. He grabbed his T-shirt between his shoulder blades and pulled it over his head, tossed it to the floor. He unzipped the fly of his jeans and since he wasn’t wearing anything underneath, his erection sprang free. Caitlin got just a glimpse of it before he bent to shuck his jeans off his legs. When he stood up again, Caitlin felt dizzy.

  Oh god.

  Before she knew Paul, she used to think of him as a blond Adonis. She was so right. He was so right. So very, very right.

  And so utterly beautiful.

  His shoulders were strong and broad and his extremely well developed chest had a smattering of dark-golden hair that tapered down over his defined abdominal muscles and pointed to the most magnificent erection she’d ever seen.

  Not that she’d had much real-life experience with erections, having only had contact with one. However, she’d seen a few photos on her computer and watched a few movies, and she knew that all men were not created equal. She suspected that not many men were created like Paul the Adonis Nelson.

  Just looking at him made her crazy. Made her experience feelings she’d never before encountered. Caitlin had always waited to be told what to do. She had never been allowed to take what she wanted. And what she wanted right now was to push Paul down and impale herself on him. And fuck him. Hard. For a long time. The feeling was so new and so powerful that it shocked her.

  She looked up at Paul and when their eyes met, something electric and purely primal passed between them, some kind of elemental understanding of what the other needed. They reached out for each other at the same time. And before she knew what was happening, Caitlin was on her back on the bed and Paul was following her down. She heard the telltale rip of foil and the moment he surged forward, she opened herself fully, welcoming him.

  He groaned and pushed into her with one savage thrust and she cried out his name, feeling his possession in every single cell of her being. Before she could acclimate to the feeling of his body, the fullness and the thickness of him, he pulled almost all the way out and then plunged into her forcefully. And he did it again and again and again.

  He was growling things in her ear—things he wanted to do to her, earthy things, things that drove her need higher and higher.

  Every time Paul bottomed out deep in her center, he pushed against the entrance to her womb and she reveled in this new feeling, welcoming the bite of pain along with the unbelievable pleasure he gave her.

  Caitlin wrapped her legs around Paul’s waist and clung to his shoulders. She was close, so close. She just needed—something. “Please, Paul. Please, please, please, please…”

  Paul spoke through gritted teeth, his voice so gruff, she could barely make out the words. “Baby girl, I’m close. I’m gonna—”

  “Oh Paul, please, I need… Oh god—Paul.”

  Paul could feel Caitlin’s distress. He knew she was close, so close. He wanted to get her there before he exploded. And god, was he was going to explode—any second now. The way she was moving under him, arching up, meeting his every thrust, the sounds she was making—she was driving him fucking ins
ane. He reared up on his knees and reached down between them, his finger drawing wetness from where they were joined up to her clit. He rubbed the swollen little nub of flesh fast and about as furiously as he was fucking her.

  Her voice slid up an octave and she started keening. God, holding back was going to kill him. His balls were drawn up so tight against his body he’d probably never get them to descend again.

  Through his lust-induced haze, Paul realized Caitlin was saying something. He opened his eyes and looked down at her. Her whole body was rigid, her face strained and her eyes pleading. He blinked and focused on her mouth.

  “Hurt me!”

  He finally made sense of the words. She was begging him to hurt her.

  Oh baby girl.

  Paul eased back down, covering Caitlin with his body and holding her close, whispering in her ear.

  “Baby girl, I can’t hurt you. Not like that.”

  Paul’s eyes almost crossed as Caitlin’s internal muscles squeezed his cock like a vise. “Oh fuck,” he yelled. “Fu-uuuck.” And he came suddenly in an unexpected, head-spinning, glorious rush, unlike anything he’d ever experienced before.

  When Paul finally became aware again, he realized he was lying on top of Caitlin, crushing her tiny body with his great hulking weight.

  “Oh shit, sorry, sweetheart,” he rumbled, his voice thick as if he’d just woken up from a deep sleep. And he wondered if he had in fact checked out for a few moments.

  Paul carefully pulled his softening cock out of her and rolled over, making quick work of the disposal and cleanup with some tissues on his bedside table. He regretted the fact that he had to leave the warm clasp of her heavenly body. And it was like heaven, being inside her. He’d never had the urge to linger after he’d been with a woman. But Caitlin felt so fucking perfect, as if she were made for him, and he wanted to burrow in there and never, ever come out.

  Paul turned onto his side and pulled Caitlin forward. She came to him eagerly, wrapping her arms tightly around him and pressing her face against his chest. So, so sweet. He pulled one of her legs over his hip and stroked her smooth, supple skin, from the fragile nape of her neck, down along her back and over the gorgeous, bitable globes of her ass.